There is a song she crooned, "The Cry Inside," that was an ethereal ode to loss, which Lady Kelly delivered so masterfully that anyone who listens, or at least this woman, is left a broken river of tears. It is part of the soundtrack to a beautiful movie titled "The Sacred Scripture," a film that is more than worth the journey to the ending credits that takes you to this deeply moving song.
I've been dealing with grief unattached to the desire for a person or thing, but deep and unrelenting, tied to events and people I wish I could forget, but can't. Her new song came to me at just the right moment. Watching her sing it today, I could feel she knew that loss intimately. Her walking away from the mic at the end, seemingly just before she broke down was relatable and powerful, given the anthem she both penned and just sang that now joins Dolly Parton's "Hard Candy Christmas" as an ode to those suffering lost love during the holidays.
Like "The Cry Inside," this song compels the truth, the truth of deeply buried pain to break out of its contained spaces to be seen, felt, heard, every tear hard won, and a sign that you can survive, you are strong enough to own it all and find the gain, whatever that turns out to be for you. No one would ask for this. Then, this is the broken road that we find ourselves traveling, barefoot on the holy ground of healing, because there is no other choice. We simply deserve better. Finding better is its own journey into a scary unknown. But in this space, pain and fear summon courage out of the darkest moments if we sit with them long enough, the hardest part, after the original wound.
But as with all things, it starts with honoring the still, shaking voice speaking to the, perhaps, shattered heart that deserves to heal and rise one day, a different soul, the cracks that let the light in empowering a new might in you.... Time. All in time.
If grieving or hurting is your setting this holiday season, look up Clarkson's new song. The lyrics are a worthy read and appear below. Oh, and ride the tide of tears wherever they take you. You will stop crying eventually. You will let go and find a new life deserving of you...
Merry Christmas (to the One I Used to Know)
If I could feel the memory instead of turning back time
I'd relive when we first met, when you caught my eye The rush of us and all that was right now would be so nice
But I know when Christmas comes around And the snow falls like a fresh start on the ground You aren't the one I'm missing, he left long ago But Christmas eve my gift to me is dancing with your ghost So Merry Christmas, to the one I used to know
If everything was like a dream, you'd be by my side And who I thought you were was true not made up in my mind You'd be here in my arms where I thought you'd be tonight Instead of me left wondering, was everything a lie?
But I know when Christmas comes around And the snow falls like a fresh start on the ground You aren't the one I'm missing, he left long ago But Christmas eve my gift to me is dancing with your ghost So Merry Christmas, to the one I used to know
Once a year I let my heart go back to you and me A secret gift I give myself on Christmas eve
If I could feel the memory instead of turning back time I know that the past is all that's left of you and I
Still, I know when Christmas comes around And the snow falls like a fresh start on the ground You aren't the one I'm missing, no he left long ago But Christmas eve my gift to me is dancing with your ghost So merry Christmas, to the one I used to know So merry Christmas, to the one I used to know
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As I have often said, we remember (not push away our pain) so we may let go, just a little more, each time; we allow ourselves to feel because it helps us to heal. And, as the old adage goes, "The only way through it...is through it." It is sometimes said in its original verse from Robert Frost's "Servant of Servants," generally about the feeling of no light at the end of the tunnel or times when it feels that way: "The only way out is through."
It does get better. Nothing lasts always. The sun will shine once again and warm our bones, heal our hearts that we may begin yet again. Love and light to all who suffer. Blessed be. )0( E